Insecurity can be a deadly poison and can destroy God ordain relationships. For instance, in a marriage it can destroy the trust between the couple through manifestations of jealousy and control. It can also lead to infidelity if one or both parties are searching for validation caused by insecurities, because a person who is insecure will often attempt to find security in people places and things. Insecurity in an individual will spill over to all areas of their life. Another case is that of an insecure person who becomes a leader. When insecure people take on roles of responsibility in leadership, it often leads to employees or constituents being micromanaged and controlled. No one likes working for an authoritarian or dictator. Insecurity also manifests itself in the form of Pride (Please Recognize I Deserve Exaltation). Here are a few other examples. We have outlined them as signs of insecure people, signs of secure people and ways to overcome insecurity.
7 Signs of Insecure people
- Confidence vs cockiness. There is nothing wrong with being confident but when it lacks humility and is self-absorbing it’s really insecurity being masked. Arrogance is never attractive.
- The inability to acknowledge wrong, frailties or shortcomings. This causes everyone around you to love you as a person but to despise the way you make them feel. You have to put others down to make yourself feel better. You can never admit that you were WRONG.
- Self-promotion. This is often found with those who have been overlooked by others and feel rejected, abandoned or overlooked. This side of insecurity turns quickly into rebellion. You see allot of “Hey look at me” “Hey look at what I’m doing” again nothing wrong with healthy marketing but people can always tell when your attempting to promote yourself.
- The inability to accept constructive feedback. Amazingly although what people around you are seeing is accurate but you fail to see it as true and become automatically defensive. It’s always easier to see the fault in everyone else but when its your turn you become defensive or depressed.
- Competition vs collaboration: Insecure people often are very cut throat and competitive almost ruthless in their endeavor to get ahead of others. Instead of finding the ability to synergies with others and produce greater outcomes they find that they always have to “one up” everyone.
- Control: Insecure people operate best when they are in control. When their security is threatened they build walls to make themselves feel safe. Often times, however its very unfortunate that other innocent people are also trapped inside those walls with them.
- Self-centeredness: Its almost as if the world revolves around them. This isn’t the intent. It’s just that insecure people only focus on what they can control or what keeps them in their comfort zone. When a person is insecure its difficult for them to embrace those who oppose their opinion or thought process.
6 Signs of secure people
- The ability to celebrate: They can celebrate others because it doesn’t take anything away from who they are to celebrate others.
- No Jealousy: They are never jealous or envious because of what others have because they are content in Christ Jesus with what they have.
3. No Insolence: They never have to put anyone else down to promote themselves.
- Unselfish: They are never selfish people but always looking out for the best in others.
- Security: They are not moved by how others feel or by their critics because they understand that they (critics) have no bearing on their success other than to be the passion that fuels their fire.
- Peace and Joy: They live in peace and joy continually because their joy and peace are anchored in the Lord and not their circumstances.
4 Keys to overcoming insecurity
- Never compare yourself with others.
Paul the Apostle offers a bit of insight into the thought of comparing. Although in the text he is continually dealing with how people viewed his physical presence in comparison to the epistles he would write it is important to understand that from the text it would not be hermeneutically incorrect to extract the thought that Paul the apostle was dealing with the issue of comparing oneself and ones assignment with anyone else and theirs.
2 Corinthians 10:12-13 English Standard Version (ESV)
12 Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.13 But we will not boast beyond limits, but will boast only with regard to the area of influence God assigned to us, to reach even to you.
- Find your security in God, His word and His purpose for your life.
Many who deal with insecurity are really dealing with how they feel about their abilities and who they really are. Our security should be founded on God alone and not our abilities. This doesn’t negate our responsibility to develop ourselves and who we are but it does say that we should make him our foundation alone. First let’s look at Paul the Apostle’s letter to the Galatian church. Apostle Paul makes it clear the his mind, his emotions, his way of thinking and especially his flesh were dead. He uses the word crucified which means that unless its resurrected it was forever and irrevocably dead. He says that now He is living by the faith of Christ. Living by the faith of Christ destroys any need we will have to have confidence in our self and our abilities.
Galatians 2:20 King James Version (KJV)
20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.
Once you tap into purpose you will find that most of your insecurities will go away. I once watched an episode of a television series in which a man was homeless. He met a man who told him that he didn’t need medicine for a mental condition but that he needed to find purpose. Once he found purpose many of the reasons for which he needed counseling were gone. The background to his story was that he had previously been very productive and successful prior to becoming homeless and unfortunately had lost his wife and family. We will all go through tough times and often during them our image of ourselves will diminish but the key is to get back up and regain purpose and hope. Once we regain purpose much of our issues with identity will be solved.
- Learn to love yourself.
Learning to identify your purpose and destiny as well as, self worth are valuable keys to learning to love yourself. You have value and purpose and no matter how much someone else says it, it will never be as valuable as when you know it for yourself deep down on the inside.
- Surround yourself with people who sincerely love you.
Love is a powerful force, which can be both creative and simultaneously destructive. Maslov’s hierchy of needs places love at the top of the list of the needs of mankind. It’s valuable to be surrounded by people who will encourage you. However, if you are not healthy you will require more of them than they should provide and it will begin to drain them. If your need for others is unhealthy you will find yourself being needy and moving from one unhealthy dependency on a person place or thing to another. Although its healthy for us to have people who surround us, its also unhealthy to make them be the source of our joy and happiness. Find people with whom you can be transparent with and who will hold you accountable so that you can have healthy relationships.
Overcoming Insecurity can be the one last hurdle to walking in the fullness of purpose that will lead to great success in their life. Many people have aborted relationships and failed to achieve because of insecurities where may or may not be real. The key is to acknowledge that they are there and not attempt to mask them with other things. We’re excited about the success you will experience because you will Overcome Insecurity and walk in the fullness of Purpose.